Spaghetti, Meatballs, and Parodies

Avatar Author: Kant's Platypus After a long hiatus, I'm back. Many apologies to those who had been enjoying my writings. I live in Ohio. I tend to like a dose of the fantastic in my writing, but I'll write nearly anything once. Aside from writing, I... Read Bio

It was a siege, but no one was in danger of starvation.

The city’s walls shuddered as meatballs slammed into them. Between the catapults and the walls, tendrils of semolina five feet thick snaked through the mud and bodies to worry at the foundations of the same walls. Soldiers hacked at them, slowing the assault, but we were too few. Too many had been unable to resist the succulent bits of pasta and herbed meat and now lay on the field in comas of digestion. Only the sounds of digestion: gurgles and escaping gas let us know they were alive. Then, of course, they exploded from the gas pressure as the pasta fermented faster than any human could digest it. It was getting hard to tell the gore from the marinara.

We thought we’d made up the The Flying Spaghetti Monster. Pastafarianism was a damn parody after all. We laughed. We had caps and mugs and tshirts.

Shit, were we surprised when a deific-sized plate of spaghetti flattened Paris, covered Europe, Asia and Africa and then came for the Americas.

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Comments (4 so far!)

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  1. Avatar Kant's Platypus

    So, I don’t try humor much (which is odd, since in general I’m fairly funny) so I’m not sure this is as good as my other stuff. Looking forward to hearing what you all thing.

  2. Avatar Horrorfan13

    I viewed it as a sort of parody of the obesity epidemic in America. Because that’s probably what will get us all in the end if something doesn’t happen. There are bits of brilliance in here: tendrils of semolina? Hard to tell the gore from the marinara? Pastafarianism? Loved it!

  3. Avatar someday_93

    Ooh, ooh! This reminded me of my very favorite picture book when I was little…Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs. Obviously this was a bit different, but that was the first thing I thought of =]

  4. Avatar Tsu D'nehm

    All hail the Flying Spaghetti Monster!
    This really is an inspired piece that I feel works as an excellent parody of “rapture” belief – having not got round to reading the Pastafarian Gospel yet I don’t know whether it mentions an End – if not then this should certainly be included!
    A well constructed story that has some real flares of brilliance (“comas of digestion”). I absolutely love it.

    (P.S. may He reach all our hearts with his Noodly Appendage.)

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